Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 2 – Sisters Out of Fucking Nowhere

Most posts will leap straight into whatever goofy ass story I concoct from this nonsense, but I had to make an interjection before this post. As I vaguely hinted at in the first post (probably so vaguely that nobody noticed or gave a shit), I am alternating between the Japanese and English dubs throughout my viewing of Sister Princess. Why? Because I think it would be funny. This is my first episode with the English dub, and I must say that words cannot possibly describe how awful it is. Reading all the translation decisions put my expectations for the English dub in the basement, and I was still floored by its awfulness. From an acting standpoint, it’s not Garzey’s Wing bad, but the attempts to make these soulless husks of moe exploitation sound even remotely cute and charming just . . . listen for yourselves! Have fun trying to see how long you can last.

(My favorite, of course, is the “bro bro” girl. Her voice is on the cusp between “annoying as fuck” and “stupidly hilarious”, but “bro bro” will always send me into convulsions of laughter. My second favorite is the German weeaboo. My least favorite is the clumsy one (she’s the one who speaks immediately after “bro bro” in the linked clip). I hope she falls off a fucking cliff. Vegas will not take odds on me eventually violently killing her off in the course of this story.)

Wataru could not believe his fortune in having four younger sisters figuratively fall into his lap. In fact, so focused was he on his newly-discovered younger sisters that he did not notice the attempts on his life. All according to plan, of course.

Just before breakfast was the first test for Wataru. Each sister passed by in succession with a greeting, and Wataru was unknowingly required to return the greeting and remember all their names. Failure to do so resulted in instant decapitation. It was a ritual that had its roots in the ancient civilization that first inhabited Promised Island. It was said that the virginal man who could remember the name of every girl he had ever met would make for a pleasing sacrifice. It was an oddly specific requirement, which was why the residents of Promised Island were often forced to rely on the import market.

Fortunately — or perhaps unfortunately, given Wataru’s later fate — Wataru passed this test and was spared the indignity of losing his head to someone half his size. This, however, would not be the only time that day that she survived an attempt on his life without his direct knowledge.

Although the sisters’ main task was to prime potential sacrifices, a lifetime of leading young virgins to slaughter had left them with murderous impulses they were often unable to ignore. The sisters did their best to suppress these feelings, because the wrath of the Sister Princess was mighty indeed,  but occasionally the pressure built so strongly that there needed to be a release, even if it did not result in death.

At breakfast, an attempt was made on Wataru’s life using food. At the end of the meal, kimchi gratin was served, and a large bowl passed to Wataru. He gladly tasted the meal but was not so glad once he swallowed. A swelling heat rose through his body, and after a few seconds, his head felt as if it would melt. His brain felt as if it were on fire. Soon he passed out; however, not long after, he woke again. The attempted murder had not been entirely serious. The sisters were simply trying to see how much heat Wataru could handle. It was not much.

Later in the day after Wataru recovered, he joined his sisters on a trek for presents. They were of course attempting to butter him up; a fattening of the soul and mind, as well as the body. But as he followed his sisters to their destination, even Wataru could not help but notice the oddities popping up around the island. A pigeon with eyes that glowed like shining rubies. A tree with deep slashes that appeared to be made by a samurai’s sword. A ribbon trailing out of the ground connected to a femur. Even Wataru’s dull suspicions were raised by these odd fascinations.

A dark shape in the bushes frightened Wataru, and he ran away, far away, all the way to the dock where he was met by the sailor who initially took him to Promised Island. Wataru, who was in a bizarrely sensible frame of mind, wanted off the island. He was told, however, that the ship had engine troubles and would be fixed within the next day or two. A convenient excuse. There was a small swan boat at the dock, but the weather was too rough to take that to sea — Wataru would be crushed within minutes.

Wataru was dejected. There were so many unexplained events on the island, and although he enjoyed the company of his new younger sisters for reasons beyond this narrator’s imagination, Wataru could not shake the feeling that something sinister was afoot. Before he could cogitate any further on his wholly understandable and natural worries, though, a faint sound stirred within Wataru’s ears. He strained to hear it, and then suddenly it hit him, loud and clear . . .

“Bro Bro . . .”

“Big Brother . . .”

“Dear Brother . . .”

“Brother . . .”

His sisters were calling him. Wataru tried in vain to resist their siren’s song, but his will was weak. The flesh could not resist. Wataru was drawn to the sister through forces far beyond his comprehension. In the blink of an eye, he found himself back in the home he shared with his younger siblings . . . and more. Yes, one by one, more sisters appeared, all calling out to Wataru. Their voices mixed in his mind, entrancing him, purifying him, all until their control over him was nearly complete. There was still a small part of Wataru’s mind that remained untainted by the sisters, but for this night, he belonged to them.

It is at this point that I should likely introduce the sisters. Wataru kept copious, often disturbing notes on each sister, and I shall distill them to the necessary knowledge, while adding in observations of my own.

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13 Responses to “Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 2 – Sisters Out of Fucking Nowhere”

  1. I couldn’t last very long…

    …that dub is one of the worst I’ve ever heard. That one girl who dropped her spoon? fork? ugh…terrible.

    • I’m convinced the ADV dub writers went, “Wow, fuck THIS” and deliberately chose the stupidest affectations they could think of at the end. Bro Bro is a stroke of horrible genius.

  2. what the fuck is wrong with those little girls’ voices?! the two older girls sound more dub-normal, but bro bro girl sounds like the Yugioh Abridged version of Mokuba Kaiba.

    BTW I was watching some cartoon the other day and heard what totally sounded like the (I’M JUST A ) Falario’s voice (which I love btw) from Garzey’s Wing. She actually played Lum in the Urusei Yatsura movie dub :O and Wakaba from Utena (less surprising).

  3. You know I think I watched the whole thing dubbed… LOL. Cause you know English is the best way to get through a crappy series even if the English is terrible (did this with To Heart too)

    I’ll be interested to know if you have a “favourite” or least annoying girl yet that you actually don’t mind having on screen XD

    • Definitely agreed.

      I’d probably have to see more of them before I decide if I can stand any of them enough to choose a favorite, haha.

      • well if i remember correctly at least each of them gets a full ep to themselves soon enough! have fun with that XD

        • God, I looked on Wikipedia, and the episodes I’m watching in English all center around the girls with the shittiest voices LOL

  4. I… uh… the thing is, even watching in Japanese, people start to sound creepy after a while. Mainly harem leads. Seriously, even in Japanese those people are the creepiest creepers…

    • Oh yeah, they definitely sound creepy in Japanese (especially the ones with the voices that are sweet in a cloying way), but it’s so much more creepy to me in English because I’m so much more familiar with the language, haha.

      • Yes, exactly, you get what I mean! From this season, there’s Claude from Croisee, Kinjirou from Mayo Chiki, Yui from Yuru Yuri, Huey from Shoka, Everybody from Tiger & Bunny, and.. uh.. yeah.

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