Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 3 – zzzzzzzzz wait did something actually happen
This was the final time Wataru would attempt to leave Promised Island.
He had ridden on the high of the initial euphoria of having 13 little sisters who worshiped his very existence, but soon — as is wont to happen — the imouto high faded away, leaving Wataru no way to fritter away time as he usually did (contemplating his own worthless life) and saddling him with 13 sisters who were like voracious puppies always in need of a bone thrown their way. Kaho may have even rolled over and begged for her belly to be rubbed at one point; however, seeing as her character was predicated upon extreme idiocy, it is just as likely that she simply fell over and tried to play it off in a “cute” manner.
Wataru kept a detailed log of his journey from the time he left his quaint cottage to his attempted (and amusingly suicidal) escape from Promised Island. There are more than a few problems with this — highest on the list is likely the fact that Wataru took the time to take detailed notes of his escape during his escape. Because Wataru was no Hugh Sinclair, he was caught and tailed immediately by Karen, but she was kind and amused enough to allow Wataru his note taking during the course of his failed escape. Normally I would run Wataru’s thoughts in full, but because he has a massive intelligence deficiency, the quality of his notes is stunning, to say the least. Therefore, I have taken the time to abridge his notes for your reading pleasure, dear audience.
- 11 p.m.: Snuck out of the home with my sleeping bag and backpack. Going on an adventure! Will miss my cute sisters, but obviously not that much since I am ditching them.
- 11:01 p.m.: Paused to write this note. This is very important.
- 11:02 p.m.: Walked past some trees. They are very green. Noted!
- 11:08 p.m.: Reached the dock. The creepy old man is there. I’m not sure I like his tone.
- 11:09 p.m.: Creepy old man tells me there aren’t any boats available. Thought he would say that. What a meanie head!
- 11:10 p.m.: Creepy old man criticizes my note taking. That’s not nice!
- 11:11 p.m.: Decide to tape a bunch of garbage bags together to create a makeshift raft. Not sure how this makes any sense at all, but I believe in it, so it must work!
- 11:18 p.m.: Creepy old man watching me inflate the raft. Not sure I like the way he is looking at me.
- 11:20 p.m.: Creepy old man suddenly puffing on his cigarette a lot.
- 11:21 p.m.: Ash from the creepy old man’s cigarette burns through my raft and deflates it. That’s just rude!
- 11:23 p.m.: Decide to just swim away from the island, but apparently there are sharks. And they like the smell of curry, which I ate for dinner last night. I didn’t even know sharks enjoyed curry! I would have invited them over for dinner if I knew!
- 11:30 p.m.: Sat around for a while and moped. Decided to give up on leaving the island when Karen showed up.
This is perhaps the sole time one would be able to see worry in Karen’s eyes. She didn’t care one whit about Wataru’s life, but she was quite fond of her own. And the Sister Princess was not a forgiving deity — if even one sacrifice was missed, it would not bode well for the Sisters who had skipped the sacrifice. Karen’s fear was genuine, but like a true master, she used it to play on Wataru’s deepest fantasies (read: surface level fantasies).
As they walked back home, Karen gave Wataru a song and dance about how she had grown up alone all her life, how she never had anyone with whom she could spend her time. When she heard that her as yet unknown big brother would be coming to the island, along with her little sisters that she had definitely never met previously in her life, she was overjoyed. Companions for the first time in her life! Day after day Karen would obsessively make plans about how she would spend time with her beloved big brother. It was what drove her every day. And when she finally met Beloved Big Brother Bro Bro Onii-Chan Daisuki Desu Wa, Karen could not help but smother him in love and try to spend every waking moment with Wataru. It was the same for the rest of her sisters.
And to cap it off, she tearfully leaned against Wataru’s back and apologized for taking so much of his obviously precious time.
As much as reading about this entire disgusting scene makes this narrator want to retch, I must admit that it is a masterpiece of storytelling, assuming, of course, that your standard for masterpieces is . . . actually, I cannot conjure a suitable conclusion to that analogy. This is uniquely terrible and idiotic. But it worked on Wataru, which is what matters. He took a look at the awful digital photographs he had taken of his sisters engaging in their inane activities, shed a single tear and marched back home into the welcome arms of his siblings.
All 13 of them. (Note: Only 12 sisters are pictured. This could not possibly be important in any way. No sir.)
And so ended a dull, uneventful day in which Wataru tried to run away like a baby and did not make it, and then played with his creepy sisters. Why this took up such a significant portion of Wataru’s diary is something I will not be able to comprehend.