Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 12 – Deserted Island

When we last left our (opposite of) intrepid adventurers, they were lost on a deserted island, with no snacks to speak of. Unfortunate, that. The Sisters appeared to have all gone missing, too, which is also unfortunate, I suppose. Not really unfortunate from my point of view, of course, but I am sure someone out there finds it unfortunate.

“No, really, who are you?” Wataru asked, looking Mamimi up and down. As much as I would like to insult Wataru for forgetting the name and face of one of his (fake) sisters, Mamimi really has had nothing to do with the story at all thus far. In fact, I wonder the reason for her existence. I seem to recall that she is supposed to have some sort of mission, but she really has done nothing at all with that, hasn’t she? A most foolish young woman. Then again, her lack of antics have for the most part kept her away from this ridiculous tale, so perhaps Mamimi is more cunning than initially expected.

“I’m your sister, stupid,” Mamimi said.

“Oh,” Wataru replied. “Sorry, there are so many of you that it’s difficult to keep track of sometimes . . .”

Wataru and Mamimi continued to sit on the beach doing nothing. If there’s one thing the younger generation displays in spades, it’s initiative. They truly are a group of go-getters, these people. But eventually Wataru had enough of sitting on his behind, got up and marched toward the ocean.

“Um, what are you doing?” Mamimi asked.

“We’ve got to find the Sisters!” Wataru asked. “I’m going to swim out and get them!”

“. . . What?” Mamimi said, her face contorted in confusion.

“You heard me!” Wataru shouted. “I have to find them!”

“OK, yeah, I get that,” Mamimi said. “But we didn’t exactly search this island thoroughly. I woke up and looked around for maybe five minutes before you started shouting at me. That’s not really enough time to comb an island for inhabitants.”

“I HAVE TO DO THIS,” Wataru said, thrusting his chest toward the salty sea. He dove in headfirst and swam out.

“. . . Sure, whatever,” Mamimi said. “It’s your funeral, guy.”

Wataru swam out maybe 10 feet, and then his foot brushed against a sea urchin minding its own business near the shore.

“Ow!” Wataru said. He grabbed at his foot but forgot to swim at the same time, so he slowly submerged and rolled around in the water like an idiot. It appears that Mamoru was not the best swimming teacher after all. Wataru floated down slowly until he collapsed against the sandy floor.

“This sucks,” Wataru said. “I’m such a failure. I can’t even swim right. I’m so useless . . .”

“Brother Darling . . .”

“Huh?” Wataru said. “Um, which one says that, again . . . ? Sakuya, is that you?”

“. . . No,” the voice said. “This is Chikage. I am here to get you.”

“But where are you?” Wataru asked, wasting precious air like an imbecile. He looked around frantically and saw nothing, save the sea urchin still clinging to his foot. “Oh my gosh . . . you’ve transformed into a sea urchin!”

“. . . Not quite,” Chikage said. She splashed water on Wataru’s face, and he came to his senses, suddenly finding himself on the beach for some reason, surrounded by all the Sisters dressed in new clothing. No, Wataru does not elaborate on this any more in his notes, nor do any of the Sisters explain it even a whit. I doubt the explanation would be of much interest, however.

“You’re all OK!” Wataru said. “. . . And wearing weird clothes.”

“Yeah, we found a shelter nearby,” Sakuya said. “All our clothes were soaked, so we hung them out to dry and make temporary clothes out of curtains around the place. Do you like them?”

“Sure,” Wataru said, “but do you mean to say that you ripped curtains from a stranger’s home and used them to make clothes that you’ll just get rid of eventually?”

“That’s the long and short of it!” Rinrin said.

“I see,” Wataru said. But before his sad, slow mind could ponder this ethical quandary, the Sisters pulled Wataru to his feet and walked him to the mansion they found a couple of minutes away from the beach. This is of course not suspicious in any way whatsoever and setting up the audience for what will be an ultimately unsatisfying plot twist. I’m not sure where you would get that idea.

They soon made it into the mansion and went into the dining room, where the Sisters had prepared an impressive spread made entirely from someone else’s food. I would wonder if they felt any guilt due to their blatant thievery, but considering the fact that they are priming Wataru for murder, I assume stealing isn’t something that seems very wrong to them.

Later that evening, Wataru went for a walk on the beach. He had been trying to alert anyone flying overhead to his and the Sisters’ presence on the island by spelling out SOS messages on the beach with sticks, but none of the Sisters seemed interested in aiding him. Instead, they swam in the ocean, had a beach picnic and played various silly games. Wataru was increasingly frustrated with their lack of gumption, and blew off some steam on the beach. And by “blow off steam” I mean he stomped around like a huffy moron.

“Why isn’t anyone helping out?!” Wataru said, waving his arms around. “Don’t they want to get off this island?! Don’t they want to get back home?!”

“Maybe they think they already are home,” Chikage said.

“whoa wait what” Wataru said, turning around and jumping backward. “Oh, it’s just you, Chikage. What are you talking about?”

“Why do you want to go back home?” Chikage asked.

“Um, well, I still have some homework to do, and I kind of want to play this game I bought . . .”

“Is that all?” Chikage asked.

“. . . I’d also like to not steal from someone I don’t know,” Wataru said.

“Why should we not stay here?” Chikage asked. “What is home? Perhaps this is our home. Unsurprisingly, our bodies are made of materials we have borrowed from the stars, so we are never let go from their will. We’re all here because we were guided by the movements of the stars in the sky.”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” Wataru said. “Do you mean that figuratively or literally? I’m kind of confused right now.”

“The stars are our home,” Chikage said. “Wherever they are, that is where we shall be.”

“But the stars are everywhere . . . also, it’s cold out here,” Wataru said.

“By the way,” Chikage said, “we are actually on Promised Island right now.”

“. . .” Wataru looked around. “. . . WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT”

“You didn’t know?” Sakuya said, stepping out of a nearby bush.

“Didn’t you recognize the beach, Bro Bro?” Hinako said, walking onto the beach with Kaho.

“B-b-b-but why did we stay at that mansion?” Wataru said.

“Oh, that guy is a jerk,” Karen said. “He likes to chase people away from this part of the beach because he thinks he ‘owns’ it or something. Bet he never expected people to take all his food while he was away on business!”

“I’m bored of this now!” Mamoru said. “Let’s go home!”

“Yeah!” all the Sisters shouted, walking back toward the mansion they called home.

“OK, so I may have been a bit more figurative than literal,” Chikage said, smirking at Wataru before joining her sisters. Wataru laughed nervously, sighed and walked in line behind them.

A truly disappointing conclusion to be sure.

4 Responses to “Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 12 – Deserted Island”

  1. Unsurprisingly, our bodies are made of materials we have borrowed from the stars, so we are never let go from their will. We’re all here because we were guided by the movements of the stars in the sky

    I…this show is too deep for me. Thank you for covering it on such regular basis. I am but a plebeian.

  2. Man shit I was not expecting that ending

    Seriously, dude, serious cliffhanger there

    I think I already said this in a comment in some blog that wasn’t yours, but http://www.usingenglish.com/glossary/contranym.html
    Literally is a contranym
    it means
    ‘literally’
    and
    ‘figuratively’

    wait, what

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