Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 18 – Another Dimension

Wataru awoke one day and found that he was green.

Why was he green? Because he was a ghost. Wataru was a ghost.

Wataru was confused, although this had little to do with his newfound existence as a ghost, and more to do with his horrendously low IQ. He looked at his hands. They were transparent. And green. He floated along, lost in thought, until he found that he floated through a wall.

“Waaaaaaaaaaah,” Wataru yelped, frightened of what he believed were superpowers. They were merely ordinary ghost powers, however. Nothing special. Just more green than normal. Wataru flew downstairs and saw all the Sisters gathered at the table, ready for breakfast.

“It’s a shame Wataru isn’t up yet,” Karen said. “He must be sleeping in.”

“Let’s eat without Bro Bro!” Hinako shouted before stuffing her childish face full of whatever foul nonsense Shirayuki had cooked that morning.

“Wait, I’m right here,” Wataru shouted, waving his arms. But it was no use. None of the Sisters could hear him. They just ignored him as if he were actually there in front of them waving his arms like an idiot.

Of course, one Sister could see him. Wataru locked eyes with her for a moment. Then she spoke.

“I liiiiiiiiiiiiike squiiiiiiiiiiiishy thiiiiiiiiiiiiings,” Aria slurred, continuing to stare blankly ahead. No, she wasn’t the Sister that could see Wataru, but this actually happened. Aria really is that idiotic. She brings great shame to me.

No, it was Chikage who locked eyes with Wataru. She grinned almost imperceptibly and lightly stroked the Cross of the Sister Princess that dangled from her necklace.

“I’m going upstairs for a moment,” Chikage said. “I’ll eat later.” She turned her head toward Wataru’s ghost and beckoned him with her eyes to follow her. She walked upstairs to her room and Wataru floated along behind her. They stepped and floated inside Chikage’s room, and Chikage closed the door behind her. The room was pitch black, but somehow Wataru followed Chikage to the table in the middle of her room. She sat down, and Wataru also sat down somehow. His ghost mechanics appeared to be inconsistent. For instance, why did he not simply float through the roof and wait for Chikage in her room?

Chikage rubbed her hands on the crystal ball on the middle of the table. The room lit up. Wataru could see nothing save hazy clouds in the crystal ball. Chikage took a deep, thoughtful look at the ball before raising her head and staring at Wataru.

“You are having an out-of-body experience,” she stated.

“Um . . . OK,” Wataru said. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“Your spirit has detached from your flesh and is roaming our world,” Chikage said.

“Oh,” Wataru said. “Um. Is there any way to stuff it back in?”

“Why would you want to do that?” Chikage asked. “Why don’t you just . . . enjoy it a little longer?”

“Well, I’m not sure that’s such a goo–” But before Wataru could finish his sentence, he was sucked into a portal Chikage created through magical spells that are slightly beyond my understanding. The world spun quickly around Wataru and went blank for a moment. Then suddenly the world was bright again.

When Wataru could see again, he realized he was standing in a grassy field. The wind whipped around his hair; it was then he also realized that he was in his body again. He did a few jumping jacks for some reason.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Chikage asked. Wataru yelped and fell to the ground, his heart racing a mile a minute. Chikage reached a hand out toward him, and he took it. When Wataru was back on his feet, Chikage threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his torso and burying her face in his skinny, anorexic chest.

“Uh, what’s going on?” Wataru asked.

“I am shy and blushing now for no reason,” Chikage said. “And my face now looks as if it were designed by Hisashi Hirai.”

“That’s nice,” Wataru said. “So, seriously, what’s going on, again?”

“I have waited for this moment for so long,” Chikage said. “Ever since we made that promise so very long ago . . .”

“Were we childhood friends?” Wataru asked.

“No,” Chikage said.

“Um, were we pen pals and are now meeting for the first time?” Wataru asked.

“No,” Chikage said.

“Uh, we were together in a past life but tragic circumstances forced us apart, and we dedicated ourselves to reuniting in our next lives?” Wataru asked.

“Yes, that is the one,” Chikage said. “It was so horrible when you were skinned alive and hung from a tree outside town as a warning to everyone . . . your innards dripping toward the ground for days . . .”

“Whoa whoa whoa, you did not need to be that specific!” Wataru said, waving his hands through the air. “So, what do we do now?”

“You have to rescue me now,” Chikage said.

“Wait, what?” Wataru asked.

“AGH IT’S A HORRIBLE CLOUD PARTICLE EFFECT,” Wataru shouted.

“Not quite . . .” Chikage said.

“AGH, IT’S . . . UHHHHHH . . .”

“. . . The Grim Reaper,” Chikage said.

“Yes, that,” Wataru said. While he was busy displaying his idiocy for the world to see, the Reaper swooped down and stole away with Chikage. A rather unfortunate event, of course, because what good is a dull, bland male hero if he cannot protect a woman for whom he cares? Wataru chased after the Reaper and was led to a church. In all, a strange place for the Reaper to halt. Why not a graveyard? Or perhaps a crypt in the middle of nowhere? But, no, a church is where this particular Reaper decided to hunker down.

Chikage was seated on a chair at the back end of the church; her body was bound to it with ivy covered in thorns. Wataru approached the chair to unravel Chikage, but predictably enough, the Reaper swiped at Wataru with his scythe. No matter how much the Reaper slashed at Wataru, however, none of his attacks made contact, which is quite a shame. I’m not certain if one can die after death, but if anyone deserves it, it is certainly our intrepid idiot.

Then, disappointingly, the fight ended as soon as it began. Wataru did not even have to do anything to claim any sort of victory. The fight simply concluded without warning. If anyone were reading this who actually cared about the events of this tale, they would surely be angered by this turn of events. Fortunately, such a fool does not exist.

Wataru stood up, and Chikage appeared before him dressed all in black. She held out the Cross of the Sister Princess.

“This is a symbol of our love,” she said. “It indicates that we will be together forever.”

“That’s nice, but can we get out of here?” Wataru asked.

“But don’t you want to stay here forever?” Chikage pleaded.

“Not really,” Wataru said. “It’s boring here. I’m bored. Can we go back to everyone else now?”

“Fine,” Chikage said. “I will make it so that this never happened. But one day you will come to regret it.”

“I’m hungry,” Wataru said.

With a snap of her fingers, Chikage did indeed erase all these events from everyone’s memory. So why, then, do I have a record of these events, you may ask?

I’m sure I’ll think of a clever enough reason one day. Until then, you will stop complaining about such silly nonsense.

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One Response to “Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 18 – Another Dimension”

  1. Dear Haruhi, why do you continue to hurt yourself so? At least this season’s Milky Holmes tries to be funny. This is just… I’m at a loss, and I actually watched this years ago!

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