Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 20 – Christmas in January

Now that this abomination is out of the way, we can begin the next chapter of our sordid tale.

Wataru eventually recovered from his impromptu surgery and was back to his normal scrawny frame in no time. When he was up to going out and around, he found that it was close to Christmas time — possibly. Stores seem to put their Christmas dressings out earlier by the year, so relying upon decorations to figure out when the Christmas season is upon us is a poor decision at best. Alas, it was Christmas, and yet not at the same time: The citizens of Promised Island celebrated Christmas in January rather than the customary December. A strange choice of holiday, perhaps, but it did not bother them.

Wataru ventured downstairs one morning and found a surprising sight: All his sisters were waiting for him! Except that is not surprising at all, but Wataru was nonetheless surprised. I probably don’t need to insult him at this point; it’s expected that he approaches life with the awareness of a cod clubbed by a fisherman.

“What’s going on?” Wataru asked, looking around the room at the Christmas tree festooned with Christmas lights and Christmas ornaments.

“It’s Christmas time, Bro Bro!” Hinako said. “We need to get you a present!”

“And that means we need to get you out of the house and somewhere else,” Sakuya said, linking her right arm with Wataru’s left arm.

“Why do I need to leave?” Wataru asked.

“Because we’re actually making you something rather than buying a soulless piece of capitalist merchandise!” Rinrin said, twirling a wrench around her finger. “So, go on! Get out of here!”

And get out of there Wataru did. Sakuya took Wataru to the strip mall and showed him all the shops with the most expensive items for sale. Wataru window shopped with her for a while, oblivious to Sakuya continually elbowing him in the ribs whenever they passed by a shop with especially expensive wares for sale. No matter how many times Sakuya dug her elbow into Wataru, however, the blank stare on his face refused to change, and eventually she gave up.

The night dragged on. Sakuya and Wataru stopped at a large Christmas tree in the middle of the largest park on Promised Island. A giant star shined at the top like a beacon of empty hope. The light shined up to the heavens, where the Sister Princess waited for her charges to summon her to this world once again for global domination. Sakuya clasped her hands together and prayed silently; Wataru looked at her, felt awkward and then did the same thing, although he prayed for a good cheese sandwich rather than the return of a bloodthirsty goddess to our mortal world.

“Let’s go home,” Sakuya said. “I’m sure everyone is done by now.”

“You can go on ahead of me,” Wataru said. “I’m going to stay behind for a while.”

“. . . Why?” Sakuya asked. “Are you keeping something a secret from me?”

“Yes,” Wataru said. “. . . I mean, no. I mean, yes. Uh.”

“That’s fine,” Sakuya said. “Do whatever you want. Even if you’re keeping something a secret from me, I still know everything about you.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, but OK,” Wataru said.

When Wataru believes something you say makes no sense, then you know you’ve said something truly idiotic, but Sakuya paid no heed to his words and skipped off toward home. Wataru went off to shop for a gift to give the Sisters, but we shall pay no heed to that leg of this story, because it is dull and aimless, and I tire of Wataru’s wandering.

Wataru went home having bought his gift, and when he walked into the door, he found the Sisters once again waiting for him. He was as shocked as before; so shocked, in fact, that he nearly dropped the box he lugged around in his spindly chicken wing arms. Alas, Wataru caught the box before it hit the ground, and he gathered his bearings and managed to stay balanced. A pity.

“What’s going on here?” Wataru asked.

“Our present for you is ready,” Karen said, stepping forward.

“But it’s not Christmas yet!” Wataru said. “Or is it? I’m having a tough time keeping track of dates here. It’s really weird.”

“It is indeed Christmas, Beloved Brother,” Haruka said. “And we have your present right here!”

“What is it?” Wataru said. “Did Rinrin build me a giant robot?!”

“No,” Rinrin said. “What gave you that idea?”

“Well, you were twirling a wrench,” Wataru said. “That made me think you were going to build me something.”

“No, I just like to twirl my wrench,” Rinrin said. “But we were building you something of a sort!”

“Yeah!” Mamoru said. “We wrote you a song!”

“A song for me?” Wataru said, his eyes brimming with tears. “Really?”

“Yep!” the Sisters all shouted.

Oh, Sister Princess
You are our guiding spirit
When The One is sacrificed
You shall lead us to
The Promised Land
The One shall hang up above
The skies will be crimson red
A hole will rip through
Space and time
And you’ll be here once again
Oh, Sister Princess
You are our guiding light
You keep us safe
Through times of strife
And let us kill once more
Hear our call, Sister Princess
Lead us through once more
Let the world cry
Tears of blood
Once more

“Um, wow,” Wataru said. “That didn’t really sound like it was about me at all.”

“It’s all metaphorical,” Karen said. “We spent a lot of time on it.”

And Wataru of course bought that explanation because he did not want to seem stupid. What an unfortunate child. What he did not know was that his eventual sacrifice was finally being put into motion. This song — a plea to the Sister Princess — was the first step of the endgame.

2 Responses to “Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 20 – Christmas in January”

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