Bitchin’ Space Pirates 21 – Worst Pirates Ever
Ah, this show. I lost it when those pirates (or whoever they’re supposed to be . . . they’re too worthless to get their exact designation correct) flew in and tried to gun down high school girls left and right, and the main explanation for their behavior is that they’re jealous of Marika’s pirate license and thus wish to violently murder her. Ahahahaha. They of course fail because any adult who is jealous of a high school girl is destined to never succeed at anything. This works even though anime teenagers are the most competent at any activity imaginable.
It’s telling that the only significant damage they do is to the crazy ass chief organizer, who is a rather pathetic figure herself. She’s spent more than half a decade stewing in anger about some high school girls (and their middle schooler accomplice) hacking into her cream puff race course and dialing the difficulty up from Yoshi’s Story to “Rat Race” from Battletoads. It’s not like they swooped in, nuked the race and robbed all the corpses afterward. Not sure that dicking around with a race course merits years of uptight paranoia, but hey, maybe race organizers operate on a different level of reality.
Then she turns all her rage against Marika . . . I think it’s because Marika is a pirate, but it could be because Marika is a student at Hakuoh. Perhaps both contribute to pounding this lady’s rage button. Whatever the case, she spends the majority of the episode trying to run Marika off the sky road. Didn’t these people hire the Bettenmaru crew as security? Sure it was mediated through the insurance company, but still. Then again, when you’re fuming in rage and planning revenge against teenagers, little things like researching your security force are but trifles.
The best research is, of course, conducted while you are getting shot at in the field. It’s the only primary research you’ll ever need!
However, the undisputed greatest part of the episode is that the Big Race does not matter at all. Really, everyone should have seen this coming. The Big Race is the obvious Big Important Event of the episode, so of course this series would be like, “Haha, fuck that!” and take a fat crap all over any importance it might hold. Chiaki wins the race and is barely shown throughout the episode. Grunhilde takes second place and we see more of her sister than we see of her. Not totally sure who that girl in third place is, but fuck her, too.
This is by far the best aspect of Pirates at this point. It refuses to give a shit where it ostensibly should give a shit. Why go through the trouble of setting up this race as something Big, Important and Cool if it will simply devolve into suited pirates shooting at high school girls in dinghies? The answer is that space races are dumb and it’s hilarious to interrupt them when so many people care about them. If only NASCAR could be interrupted in such a way (and also make out with nobody getting hurt at all!).