Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 6 – Making It Up As We Go Along

Occasionally the Sisters needed to stretch their creative wings; however, they rarely had the time to do so, because their main work was preparing sacrifices, even though they even more rarely did that. But they did do it eventually, so I suppose I should not judge too harshly.

Getting back to the topic at hand: One day Wataru was walking with a few of his sisters when they heard an announcement. Apparently a new park would be opening, and as a dedication, there would be an “entertainment event” where the winners of a vague contest would receive a “luxury prize”. It all sounds so truly exciting. Wataru was less than enthusiastic about the prospect of actually doing something that would require thinking on his part, but the Sisters were eager to do something that would temporarily absolve them of their duties.

“I wonder what the prize could be?” Wataru asked.

“Maybe it’s a big cake!” Hinako said. (Real author’s note: She really thinks a big cake would be baked and hauled outside underneath a cover days before it could be given away. Kids are fucking stupid, man . . .)

“Well, whatever it is, it looks big and expensive, SO WE ARE GOING TO ENTER THIS CONTEST AND WIN IT NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!” Sakuya said. Wataru seemed primed to raise an objection, but one look into Sakuya’s fiery eyes quelled any desire in Wataru to open his  mouth, lest it be filled with a fist of rage.

The next day, everyone was gathered on a stage, reading from half-finished scripts while someone whom I would rather pretend does not exist shouted orders at everyone from the ground while wearing an idiotic director’s cap. Despite the presence of a director, the endeavor seemed not to have any direction at all. This is likely because the director was a legendary incompetent. Or he would be if he actually existed.

“Wait, what are we even doing?” Wataru asked.

“What are you doing is what we should be asking!” Sakuya replied.

“What is that, a giant coral?” Mamoru asked.

“It looks like a many-tentacled beast!” Haruka said.

“I’m just here as filler!” Rinrin said. A bizarre phrase to shout for no reason, to be sure.

“Um, it’s supposed to be a tree,” Wataru said. “But wait. Why am I making a tree? I don’t even remember why I’m here in the first place!”

“Probably because there was no real transition in the first place,” Haruka said.

For once, the girls were correct, but that is merely because the notes relating to this day were haphazardly collected, and a few of the pages are missing. Thus, a few events are truncated or outright missing. I’m not certain as to why any of the sisters would mention that fact, but it is not up to me to judge; I am merely a relater of information.

“Well, we’re standing here with scripts, props and a stage, so we should just do a play!” Sakuya said. “And, of course, I will write it!”

“No way!” the other girls shouted, and soon the creative differences led to fisticuffs as the Sisters brawled for the rights to write. I would be more descriptive of the actual battle, but it is at this point where Wataru’s notes devolve into random scribblings of letters and what appear to be dried out drool patches for several pages. It’s a wonder the idiot was able to recover at all following that display. At any rate, eventually the Sisters tired each other out and decided that they would work together on the script. A sensible solution for a nonsensical endeavor.

The day of the park dedication arrived, and Wataru was unsure as to his role in the play. The Sisters were all secretive about the story behind the play; they assured Wataru that he would not need to memorize anything, and that his improvisational abilities — which were hardened like steel after years of intense training in the Second City in Chicago, I’m sure — would carry him through. The faith Wataru’s sisters had in him put him on cloud nine, so when he could actually pay attention to his surroundings once more, he found himself blindfolded onstage.

“Wait, what’s going on?!” Wataru said.

“Silence!” Sakuya boomed. She leaned in closer to his ear to whisper, “Quiet, you’ll ruin the play!” Wataru nodded, as if this made his situation any better.

“Fellow Sisters!” Karen said, stepping forward. “It is time for the Golden Age to once again be upon us! The moment we have all been waiting for — the sacrifice!”

The sisters clapped and shouted uproariously. Wataru stood stock still, barely even breathing. They sure chose a dark subject for a play, he thought to himself. Maybe they thought they would have a better chance of impressing the judges if they went for something dramatic.

“Grab the crucifix!” Karen shouted.

“Wait, what?” Wataru said. He then felt himself shoved to the ground, with two of the Sisters pinning his arms to the stage. Then he felt others grabbing his legs and shifting him around so that he was upside down. He was then moved to the back of the stage and placed against a crucifix while still upside down. Wataru’s arms were tied against the arms of the cross, and his legs were tied to the base. Finally, Sakuya reached up and removed Wataru’s blindfold and let it fall to the floor.

“W-w-w-w-what’s happening?!” Wataru asked. Sweat dripped down his frightened face.

“Silence!” Karen boomed. She stepped closer to Wataru and stroked a finger across his chin. “You are to be the one who leads us to the Golden Age. Innocent blood must be spilled to strengthen our lord! Your blood! You will be our sacrifice!”

The crucifix raised slowly as Hinako and Kaho struggled with the pulley backstage. They stopped when Wataru’s head was about 10 feet from the ground. Blood continued rushing to his head; he was dizzying quickly and found it difficult to stay focused. He looked around and noticed the Sisters had surrounded him, all dressed in black robes with the hoods pulled over their faces. Only Karen’s hood was pulled back; her piercing gaze cut through the clouds gathering in Wataru’s mind.

“Let the flames of Hell ride high!” Karen shouted. As if on cue, flames erupted from the stage, all set in a circle around the Sisters. The audience gasped briefly and clapped tentatively afterward, unsure of what to think. The heat seared Wataru’s face. He tried to push himself away from the hot flames but could barely move. Karen stepped forward and placed her hand against Wataru’s chest. Dark clouds gathered in the sky.

“Kali Ma Shakti de,” Karen whispered. “Kali Ma Shakti de!” she repeated a bit louder. “Kali Ma Shakti de!” even louder.

“Kali Ma!” the Sisters rumbled. “Kali Ma! Kali Ma! Kali Ma!” Lighting flashed high in the sky. Time slowed for Wataru; the light around him flashed so intermittently that it seemed as if he viewed Karen through a movie camera that showed its picture frame by frame. What Wataru could see clearly when the lightning flashed was that Karen had an insane grin on her face. Against the harsh white of the lightning flashes her grin looked carved of stone, etched for all eternity. Wataru’s eyes looked around wildly; he could no longer think clearly.

As Wataru felt a pressure against his chest, he fainted.

When Wataru awoke, he found that he was being held on his feet by Sakuya and Karen. He jolted to a start, but they kept him still by gripping his shoulders.

“Ah, ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!!!” Wataru said. “You tried to kill me!!”

“What?” Karen said.

“You had me on that cross and you were going to do something to me and–” Wataru said.

“Be quiet!” Sakuya said. “They’re going to announce the results!” Wataru looked read to protest, but instead he listened to Sakuya due to his lack of testicles.

“And the winner of the contest is . . .” the announcer said. “Team Memories of Ebriection, with their short play, ‘Super Happy Fun Times!'”

“Arrrrrrrrrgh!” all the Sisters shouted.

“I thought we had that in the bag!” Haruka said.

“We definitely should have won!” Hinako said.

“I’m lost,” Wataru said. “Was all that . . . a play?”

“Of course it was!” Sakuya said. “Did you think we were trying to kill you, or something? We’d never do that, Brother Dearest!”

“Now for the second place prize!” the announcer said. “And the winner: Team Sister for their play, ‘Sacrificial Lamb’!”

“Yaaaaaaaaaaay!” the Sisters shouted. Even though they did not win, they could not deny that the materialism deep within their hearts cried out for some recognition via valuable object. However, they all became deadly serious when they saw their prizes: A necklace with a gray heart wearing a crown, wings and a cross engraved into it. This was the symbol of the Sister Princess.

“Wow, this is pretty cool!” Wataru said. “I think I’ll hold onto this!” He put the necklace on, of course oblivious to its true meaning. The message was not lost on the Sisters, however: Stop playing around, and get back to work.


5 Responses to “Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 6 – Making It Up As We Go Along”

  1. PS: I figured that from now on I’d at least offer some context as to what these shitty episodes of Sister Princess are about.

    Ep3: BAWWWWWWWWW I WANNA LEAVE except sisters kawaii
    Ep4: Gotta find that teddy bear.
    Ep5: Text messaging!
    Ep6: Let’s put on a shitty play about 12 princesses and their onii-sama!!

    So there you go. This episode also has the strongest, most obvious wincest vibes of the series thus far (Sakuya totally wants to get her freak on with Wataru). I’m not writing about that for the most part, though, mainly because I don’t think I’m a good enough writer to make that funny. It would just creep me out to write that shit.

  2. You double’d a picture, though it wasn’t so bad as that GAY No. 6 episode.

    CRUCIFIXES ARE /NAILED/ and they’re held UPRIGHT

    Also WHY DIDN’T THEY SACRIFICE HIM THIS EPISODE?! Do they have to wait for the right time or what? This anime sucks 10/10

    • Ah fuck it, I’m too lazy to change that shit.

      They tied him to the crucifix and didn’t nail Wataru because they were just practicing! Nobody sacrifices the main character in episode 6! That’s just silly!

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