Sister Princess Saturday Report! No. 14 – Servitude
Before I get into this post, just want to say apologies for not getting a new Random Shit post out yesterday. Haven’t been feeling quite my best this week, but I think I’m getting over it now — I’m at least well enough to slap together this weekly post, which is good, because I wouldn’t want to fall behind on a modern classic like Sister Princess. Anyway, back to your weekly dose of siscon
After taking a long, hard look at the time he had spent on the island up to this point, Wataru began to realize just how worthless he was.
“My sisters do so much for me all the time,” Wataru said to himself. “But I never do anything worthwhile for them. I should change that starting today!” He pumped his fist toward the sky, ecstatic that he made such an important life decision. It took real guts and grit to decide something like this — deciding to display empathy and decency toward people? Most unheard of. One would think Wataru could not be blamed for not treating the Sisters particularly well, considering their sole aim in life was to rip the flesh off his skin and feed Wataru to their all-powerful goddess, but seeing as Wataru was still ignorant of their true intentions despite the mountains of evidence surrounding him, he didn’t have that excuse to keep him afloat.
That afternoon, Wataru gathered everyone into the dining room for what he termed a “super special secret meeting”. The Sisters were confused but wary. Had he caught on to their secret? One would believe the obvious answer was, “No. No, he had not.” Still, the Sisters were raised to be quite cautious — better to be careful than risk the wrath of the Sister Princess. The Sisters sat down at their designated seats, and Wataru rose from his chair once the final Sister, Karen, was seated. He tapped a spoon against the glass in front of him, just as he had seen countless times on television, but he tapped it a tad too hard and chipped a large piece from the rim.
“Oops,” Wataru said, looking down at the broken piece of glass in front of him. “Anyway, this is a super special secret meeting! I called you all in here today because I don’t think I have been a great big brother to you all. This makes me sad, so I want to make it up to you by doing things for you all! Whatever you want, I’ll do it!”
“. . . Is that all?” Rinrin asked.
“Um, yes!” Wataru said.
“Yeah, I’ve got work to do,” Rinrin replied. She got up and left the room. Everyone else followed in suit.
“Wait, wait!” Wataru said. “I’m serious here! I want to do things for you all! Don’t leave!”
“Well, there’s not really much you can do for us,” Mamoru said.
“What do you mean?” Wataru asked.
“We kind of get along fine on our own,” Sakuya said. “We’re not idiots or anything. We can do stuff on our own.”
“Yeah, but–” Wataru started. Nobody stayed to listen to him finish his thought, however. Nobody, that is, but Karen, who walked up to Wataru while he continued stammering.
“You’re really not going to be happy until you actually do something, are you?” Karen asked.
“No!” Wataru said. “I want to be a help! I don’t want to be a burden!”
There’s only one way you can be a help to us, Karen thought. You may wonder how I have access to the thoughts of characters when I unfortunately getting all my information about this particular event from Wataru’s diaries. Well, I do not have access to these thoughts; however, is it really such a stretch to believe Karen would think something like that while speaking to a dullard like Wataru?
“Fine,” Karen said. “If you want to help so badly, you’ll agree to be my servant for the day.”
“Um, OK!” Wataru said.
“Good,” Karen said, allowing herself a tiny smile. She cracked her knuckles in anticipation. “I already have a job for you.”
“What is it?” Wataru asked.
“Do you see that light bulb up there?” Karen asked.
“Is that a light bulb?” Wataru asked. “It looks like a banana.”
“It may look like a banana, but it is actually a light bulb,” Karen said.
“I’m not sure I believe you,” Wataru said. “It definitely looks like a banana to me. Can I taste it to make sure?”
“. . . Sure, why not?” Karen said. Wataru grabbed a ladder, climbed up to the lamp on the wall that held the bulb and unscrewed the bulb. He then descended and the ladder and proceeded to lick the light bulb. Although the bulb was clearly not turned on, it gave his tongue a little shock. Wataru nearly dropped the light bulb from shock (pardon the pun), but instead he stared at it, wide-eyed.
“I guess it really is a light bulb,” he said, awed.
“. . . Yes,” Karen said. “Let’s just go, servant.” She unveiled a tiny whip and cracked Wataru across the back with it. He yelped in surprise and pain and ran out the door, with Karen following behind in tow.
It took much longer than anticipated, but eventually Karen and Wataru found a shop that sold the special brand of light bulb they sought. It turns out that light bulbs shaped like bananas are somewhat of a rare commodity in most areas of the world. A shocking fact to realize, I’m sure, but that is the way of the universe. The journey did take its toll on Karen, however. She thought it would be fun at first to order Wataru around, but she soon realized just how irritating it was to have a servant who was a failure at every task to which he set his mind. He offered no helpful suggestions for stores, and once Karen dragged him to a store, he had nothing but the most insipid questions for the salesman. Or, at least, that is how I imagine everything went.
As they traveled from shop to shop, Karen’s anger welled inside her to a point it rarely reached. She whipped Wataru across the back with increasing ferocity; blood dripped down his back and left a trail on the ground as they walked. Before they entered a shop, Karen would force Wataru onto his knees and repeatedly say, “I’ll be good, Master” before she would allow him to venture inside. Of course, Wataru always betrayed this expectation, because he is an idiot, and so Karen would punish him further once they were out of eyesight.
By the time they bought the light bulb they needed, Wataru was a bloody mess. He limped down the path back to the house and collapsed on a couch once he made his way into the living room.
“Did I say you could lay down?” Karen asked. She leaned over Wataru with a wicked grin on her face and a greed gleam in her eye. Blood pulsed so wildly through her veins that she could feel every thump against her temple. Sakuya walked into the room, saw the look in Karen’s eyes and immediately walked out. It was not often that Karen had the opportunity to express the violence that dominated her heart, and Sakuya had no interest in being around during that rare time.
“B-b-but I–” Wataru started, before Karen whipped him across the face.
“Silence!” Karen shouted. She brought out the light bulb. “What is this?”
“Um, a banana?” Wataru said. Karen whipped him again.
“Try again,” Karen said.
“It’s a light bulb, a light bulb!” Wataru shouted.
“Very good,” Karen said. “Now, can you tell me what it’s doing in my hand?”
“ummmmmmmm,” Wataru said, but before he could say anything further, Karen whipped him yet again.
“This should be in the lamp, yes?” Karen said. “I think someone should put it there, don’t you?” She gripped her whip tighter when she saw Wataru’s eyes wander to it.
“Y-y-yes, Master!” Wataru leaped to his feet, scrambled up the ladder and screwed the bulb into the lamp. Right after, he lost his balance and crashed to the floor. I’m sure someone, somewhere laughed at this uproarious turn of events.
“Good, good,” Karen said. “Are you satisfied now? Or would you like to help me with something else?”
“No, I’m good!” Wataru said. He crawled away as quickly as his wounded limbs would allow. Karen stood back and smiled.
I should do this more often.