Kimi ni Todoke – 21

As far as emotional impact goes, I think this is easily the best episode of Kimi ni Todoke. It completely nails that bittersweet feeling of accepting that one cannot have what one desires most.

Maybe what I enjoy most about this episode is the simple ambience — the sound of waves crashing back and forth, the twinkle of stars in the sky, the soft flutter of cold breath floating into the sky . . . all familiar images, sounds and feelings, but they’re used simply and effectively to convey both the memories Chizuru wants to keep forever and the slow process of her eventually having to let a part of herself go. There’s a real sense of genuine rhythm to this episode that I did not really get from the others in this series.

I don’t want to compare Kimi ni Todoke to Honey and Clover, because the latter is a far better series than the former, but the tone of this episode could have fit in very well in Honey and Clover. To really begin to move on from her crush on Tooru, Chizuru needs to air everything out — to remind herself of why she liked him in the first place, to let him know how she feels and to confront her own feelings. That long walk is exactly what Chizuru needed: Some time to remember the past and give it a proper good bye instead of the sudden shock of seeing Tooru married and then going away as quickly as he came.

No matter how shitty it feels to let a long-standing love go, I bet that if Chizuru had to do it all over again, she would still crush on Tooru. He’s a person who undoubtedly affected her life for the better — even if she can’t be with him, having a good friend/older brother figure is nothing to sneeze at. Those memories are worth something. It hurts to let go of love, but the flip side to that is that one was able to love in the first place. That is something to be cherished.

I think that’s something Chizuru realizes when she is able to let her feelings be known to Tooru. He misconstrues them (?) and lets Chizuru know that he loves her like he would a younger sister, and while that is not exactly how she truly feels about Tooru, his sentiments make her happy nonetheless. She doesn’t have a romantic connection with Tooru; however, she has love of a different sort with him. It’s different, but no less meaningful — it’s a connection they’ll always have. It hurts to let love go, but maybe not quite as much when love is still left behind.

And even though it hurts, Chizuru comes out of this episode with more love than she had before. Ryu is able to sit down with her and say the things that both reflect his true feelings and also act as a great comfort to Chizuru. (He also gets some Solid Snake points for stealthily nudging Tooru to Chizuru, even if Chizuru ultimately knows that Ryu set up their meeting.) It’s more than likely that they will be together in the future, but even if that does not happen, they’ll at least love each other in a different way. How often can you count on one person to help you through something like this?