Star Driver 5 – Tight Young Boys

Don’t worry, everyone, I’ll keep an eye out for the AP wire story that is sure to come after Okamoto is arrested for turning too pure pure boy into . . . I dunno, an actual teenage dude, I guess? What the fuck was up with that kid? He seemed kind of creepy to me, like his blandness and naivete made him into some sort of pod person. Someone had better keep an eye on him; he could be dangerous.

Anyway, uh, HILARIOUS FEMALE PEDOPHILE ALERT. I couldn’t even be offended by it because it’s so god damn goofy. This whole episode is one big goof, actually, like some sort of weirdo mecha sitcom. Seriously, the headmaster dude walking into Okamoto’s office and trying to set her up with some nice older guy who only likes to bone young women is hilarious, if only because it seems as if it comes from a completely different series. Same with the “She’s trying so hard to hide her admiration for young boys, but she’s got posters plastered all over her wall! Silly nurse!” joke. WTF OK LADY

There is a nice moral nestled in all that silliness, however: If you want to take over the world, don’t be a pedophile. A lesson everyone can take to heart.

Kind of an interesting point from this episode is that even the Glittering Crux folks aren’t necessarily aware of each others’ “real” identities outside of the masks and fetish wear. Strikes me as kind of inconvenient, but then again this whole organization relies on dragging Takuto to an alternate universe and killing him with fruity robots instead of shooting him in the face or something, so convenience isn’t really something they’re worried about. Plus, I suppose I would also want to hide my identity if everyone around me were solely concerned with ruthlessly becoming the leader of my sadomasochistic mecha group.

Also love the KIRABOSHI~♥ gesture being a reflex action. That’s hilarious. I wonder if they ever try pulling out in random conversations with people; they’re just talking about any random thing, and then all of a sudden, “KIRABOSHI~♥” and the other person responds in kind through muscle memory. Then again, the first person would probably just look like a dumbass is the other person was not a member of the Glittering Crux.

(That said, this should totally be my greeting to everyone when I go to Anime Expo next year. I hope I don’t forget about it.)

My favorite minor revelation from the episode, however, is that, unless I am misunderstanding, there is a college section to the island, from which Okamoto and the other dude came when they joined up with the Glittering Crux . . . or maybe the other Science Section guy is still with the college, I dunno. Anyway, it makes me wonder if there’s any sort of Evangelion-esque age range to this whole Star Driver thing; Okamoto is at least 10 years older than the students here, but she also some sort of temporary age reversal power she used before kickstaring the Cybody, so that’s probably her way of circumventing it.

But, yeah, my real point is that I wish there were actually a college section of the Glittering Crux. How great would that be? It’s basically a weird co-ed fraternity/sorority right now, anyway, like one step below Omega Theta Pi from Animal House. (It’s not at all a stretch to imagine a Glittering Crux initiation filled with spankings and repeated utterings of, “Thank you, may I have another?”) They could have rush meetings, toga parties, hazings, community service, participate in intramural sports, the whole shebang. I would totally watch an anime about the college version of the Glittering Crux.