Star Driver 11 – What a Cheater!

Two against one isn’t fair, my ass. He’s the Galactic Pretty Boy! He should be able to defeat two people in one Cybody without much trouble! What kind of Ginga Bishounen would he be if they defeated him? Really, I think Sugata is just showing off at this point. He’s always way too eager to use the King’s Pillar to “help” Takuto. And, really, is it any surprise that Sugata’s help involves making Takuto’s swords bigger?

Jokes aside, this was actually one of the more enjoyable episodes of Star Driver. I’ve said it before here, I think, but I enjoy characters seeking vengeance. It gives them an interesting focus. Especially when the vengeful person in question waits as long as possible to get his or her revenge and puts together the pieces of a plan. Simone is working undercover for the woman she despises, and she probably spends her days seething in anger while she fetches towels or whatever else she does. But it will all be worth it once she topples Mrs. Watanabe.

Star Driver 10 – Choking Up on the Bat

Admit it: You expected a bit more stroking here, didn’t you?

One day I would like to see a baseball episode of anime with commentary. (Actual baseball anime like Cross Game don’t count. I’m talking any old anime with a baseball episode.) Any of you ever watch puroresu? Japanese commentators are the greatest. They’re like a horde of Gus Johnsons rolled into one guy. Plus, given how into calling the balls and strikes the umpire was (just a little bit too excited), a commentator would have shattered every unintentional comedy barrier imaginable. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t have made the episode more enjoyable.

Star Driver 9 – Every Joke Has Already Been Made

Totally called the older twin sister as the newest leader in the Glittering Crux after all the build-up with her being the sporty, popular one while younger sis is the crazy weirdo. Somehow I stopped short of calling dear imouto as the West Maiden, however. These damn maidens can’t keep their hands off Takuto! I’m sure that if Fish Girl had ever met Takuto, she would have been all over him too.

I will say that Marino both being a member of the Glittering Crux and desiring to protect Mizuno make her interesting right off the bat. Is she looking to tear apart the Crux from the inside, or is she looking to find a way to seize power that does not involve exploiting her sister? Or is she biding her time until she is able to discover the West Maiden’s relation to leveling up and owning Takuto? Don’t know yet, but at least there’s a bit of ambiguity in her motivations.

Star Driver 8 – Heavy Panting

Star Driver goes from zero to BL in one second. They don’t even need to rev up beforehand — just one punch, and ♥ KIRA-BL-SHI ♥

So yes, Sugata and Takuto spend the second half of the episode fisting each other, but not in the way one might expect. No, this is more the G Gundam-style COMMUNICATION THROUGH FISTS that resolves all animated conflicts (and some non-animated conflicts). And when two men engage in slashable battle, then their energy is far too much to handle, as evidenced by Benio’s Cybody going to pieces, unable to contain Sugata’s massive libido. The BL was too strong for that one.

Star Driver 7 – Don’t Abuse the Sugata

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that Sugata would not have been nearly as  pissed off if Takuto had smooched him instead of resorting to the Bright Slap? The Glittering Crux knows how to treat those it recruits. Step up your game, Galactic Pretty Boy!

So, hey, using that King’s Pillar is a totally huge deal — you’ll be in a coma forever if you use it! Except in the world of Star Driver, “forever” roughly equates to “three quarters of an episode”. Maybe they’re measuring in Zero Space time. Whatever the case, Sugata wakes up because he possesses the Power of the Main Character. Now I know why those other dudes stayed in their wussy comas forever: It’s because they were lame ass side characters. Don’t mess with the Main Character, King’s Pillar, or you’ll get the horns!

Star Driver 6 – Crazy Sucka

And Sugata is down for the count! I don’t think anyone expected the episode to end without him busting out the King’s Pillar, considering how much it (and the curse of people who have out of control first phases) was harped on throughout the episode. It’s a force to be reckoned with but comes with an unfortunate amount of recoil. I found Takuto’s narration afterward to be kind of interesting — he seemed to be speaking in an after the fact kind of tone, like he’s looking upon this event as a huge turning point in the story . . . and maybe implying that Sugata never wakes up? Hm.

Star Driver 5 – Tight Young Boys

Don’t worry, everyone, I’ll keep an eye out for the AP wire story that is sure to come after Okamoto is arrested for turning too pure pure boy into . . . I dunno, an actual teenage dude, I guess? What the fuck was up with that kid? He seemed kind of creepy to me, like his blandness and naivete made him into some sort of pod person. Someone had better keep an eye on him; he could be dangerous.

Anyway, uh, HILARIOUS FEMALE PEDOPHILE ALERT. I couldn’t even be offended by it because it’s so god damn goofy. This whole episode is one big goof, actually, like some sort of weirdo mecha sitcom. Seriously, the headmaster dude walking into Okamoto’s office and trying to set her up with some nice older guy who only likes to bone young women is hilarious, if only because it seems as if it comes from a completely different series. Same with the “She’s trying so hard to hide her admiration for young boys, but she’s got posters plastered all over her wall! Silly nurse!” joke. WTF OK LADY

There is a nice moral nestled in all that silliness, however: If you want to take over the world, don’t be a pedophile. A lesson everyone can take to heart.

Star Driver 4 – A Whole New World

Now we know the main plot of Star Driver: Takuto has to stop all the dudes who want to gangbang Wako so that he can bone her himself and whisk her away to Tokyo, where she can become a singer and be one half of the most fabulous couple in the nation. It all makes sense!

Star Driver 3 – The Hammer Is My Penis

Or the sword in this case.

This episode is kind of funny but also kind of boring since it’s doing the whole Utena “Hey, guys, let’s use the same episode structure in each arc!” thing, but it doesn’t have quite the same sizzle yet. Mrs. Watanabe tries to make up for that all by herself, though. I laughed at everyone being so eager to clean her damn pool. Doesn’t anyone have anything better to do after school?

Was kind of disappointing to see that she actually meant that they would be literally cleaning the pool, however. That had porn scenario written all over it, especially with multiple boys and girls joining in. I had the bad ’80s music queued up and everything. Guess that shows what Mrs. Watanabe really thinks of them — they’re cleaning the pool so that she can dirty it up during her next tryst. At least she was paying them, though considering the innuendos this show has been throwing out, that could have meant anything. Double pay, you say? Ooh la la.

Star Driver 2 – Needs More Fetish Gear

I think she should have more than a whip here. What, she couldn’t have some chains to go along with it? An armband to complement the hat? Handcuffs? Let’s go all out here!

Kidding aside, I really enjoyed this scene, especially all the cheering and booing in the background. It was like the Glittering Crux (which would be a hilarious stable name, and they would absolutely be booed at every show because wrestling is totally not homoerotic at all no way!!!) held their meeting in front of a biased wrestling crowd from the ’80s that is ready to cheer and/or boo at the drop of a hat. Hilarious. Life is much more fun with raucous crowds.

(By the way, you all should be glad I did not start this blog this season, because it would definitely have been named “KIRABOSHI” if that were the case.)