Star Driver 10 – Choking Up on the Bat

Admit it: You expected a bit more stroking here, didn’t you?

One day I would like to see a baseball episode of anime with commentary. (Actual baseball anime like Cross Game don’t count. I’m talking any old anime with a baseball episode.) Any of you ever watch puroresu? Japanese commentators are the greatest. They’re like a horde of Gus Johnsons rolled into one guy. Plus, given how into calling the balls and strikes the umpire was (just a little bit too excited), a commentator would have shattered every unintentional comedy barrier imaginable. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t have made the episode more enjoyable.

Plus, the game was basically one long (lol) puberty metaphor, anyway, so it had that going for it. (This must have been a good week for baseball episodes, too, because Squid Girl had a baseball segment in its latest episode. The difference is that Squid Girl’s skills would have won her the Cy Young Award instead of giving her an in to a crazy orgy.) It’s just too bad that I am not a good enough writer to expound upon the subtle symbolism of Takuto faceplanting into Marino’s titties. That really deserves to be deconstructed, I think.

And the mighty Takuto struck out . . .

Is using your first phase powers illegal in a baseball game? Technically, I guess it is a natural skill, but I have my doubts about these powers. Who knows if there are some PEDs involved in this somewhere? Everyone on this island seems to have some crazy magical ability. Maybe it’s like the island in Lost, except it secretly pumps everyone full of steroids every night. Or maybe some other performance-enhancer, because steroids make a few changes down below, if you catch my drift. (Not that I would know from personal experience!)

Anyway, I guess catchy splash words for players and game footage only goes so far for Star Driver, since the game takes up only half the episode. And then it’s time for Marino’s jealous suitor to get his ass kicked by Takuto, and time for Takuto to find himself in a living Doublemint commercial, seeing as he’s unknowingly doubled his pleasure by getting Marino to crush on him. Sugar, spice and everything nice indeed. I wonder if the show worked in some sort of naughty threesome metaphor and I somehow failed to notice it.

Also, Mizuno’s “Everything will be OK!!!” spell makes me wonder what other magic spells she has in her arsenal. We all know what kind of series this is, so I am betting that she has some naughty magic lurking somewhere within her. (Insert your own filthy joke here.) Really, she is probably the secretly filthy one, while her sister is the one who talks tough but has a soft, protective core full of fabulous deredere.

I don’t think Ryousuke is a very big fan of baseball. Or maybe he mistook this guy for one of the dudes who was playing tennis earlier in the episode.